Speak Life

ImageIs this a familiar look in your current relationship? Do you find yourself arguing or fussing? Better yet, is THIS what you call talking? Is this your form of communication? If it is THAT is exactly what is wrong with the situation.

As women we play a very vital and important role in a man’s life.

The same way we look to our Daddies to how we love or should be loved by a man, he does the same. He will look to you for love, affection, comfort and nurturing. No one likes to be scolded when they are an adult, ESPECIALLY a man. I tell you, if you are trying to get a result from this type of behavior, it will NEVER bear the fruit you desire. If you were to plant carrots, are you expecting beets? Of course not! So how can you plant seeds of degradation, disrespect and anger and expect adulation, respect and love?

Ladies we have been soooo damaged in this day and age. So many of us have absent father figures, we have mothers who have had to pull more than their fair share of the weight and a society that tells us we are equal to a man in EVERY way… these modern days have taken a huge toll on our views and relationship with men. Now relax, I’m not saying to quit your job, grab and apron and start baking…unless you want too. Hey isn’t that what women’s rights are all about?? CHOICE. Ok I digress…

Ladies, when we are talking to our men it is important to do so with honesty, respect and love. Though he may seem to be the toughest person in the world, he is made of flesh and blood just like you. He has the same emotions, pains, hurts, fears, insecurities as you do…with the exception that the WORLD tells him NOT to. He is taught from an early age not to feel, be a man, boys don’t cry etc. etc so he has had a lifetime of suppressing what it is that he feels. He didn’t get the same care and acceptance as we did when we were younger. We were held and coddled and told it will be ok, go ahead and cry honey, let it out. Can you see the difference?

So yes, we as women emote more, but men do internalize. However if you are trying to reach that man deep at his core where he is most vulnerable it will never be through your harsh words or raised voice. He to needs to feel safe and still be seen as a man in your eyes in order to be that free with you. Make your words kinder, softer, be encouraging to him. He knows if he is doing wrong or falling short and he punishes himself more than you ever can. So take a step back and try to put yourself in his position, he has had a lifetime of suppression to try to get over and then has to try to overcome the anger you are putting out. He has been taught to be aggressive by society so it is no wonder that this behavior results in a backlash of rage, door slamming and true discouragement.

If you truly want to lift your man up and get him to see your side of things, then try an approach that is softer.

Remember he was taught that women are kind and sweet like his mamma so it is in your best interest to approach any and all situations with patience and kindness, don’t beat on his ego, his home should be  where he finds refuge from the unrealistic expectations that the world has placed on his emotions. Your arms are to embrace this hard man and make him soft, your voice carries a tone that should soothe the beast, not awaken the inner demons.

Decide what you want your end result to be, and act accordingly. Plant seeds of kindness and you will reap the same. –Ask Ms Dare I Say

Image

Become the One

It seems in life that we are constantly on the journey of looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right… We spend agonizing years from teens to adulthood seeking this person that will fulfill our purpose and make life worth enjoying. We search for this one to rescue us, like that of a fairy tale, but ask yourself… “Rescue me from what, exactly?”

Are we really asking to be rescued from ourselves? How can we expect another to take us from our own darkness into light? This is an impossible endeavor; the journey will be long, arduous and unfulfilled in the end.

Instead, tell yourself “I am the one to rescue me,” “I am Mr. or Mrs. Right” NOT Mr. or Mrs. Right now but the one worthy of the long haul.

A very important self-learned life lesson is that it is so very important to work on you first. If we put the same energy into ourselves that we put into finding another or CHANGING another, imagine the person you will be in love with. Imagine looking into the mirror and saying “ I LOVE this person” “you are just right for me” these are the conversations we need to have with ourselves. We need to love us first, work on our inner core so that we are able to emanate our own light and like a moth to a flame your counterpart surely will arrive, only to add to your light, not ignite it.

Spend time with yourself, get to know YOU. What do you like? Are you the outdoors type? What is your belief system? Where do you stand on your own feet? Are you on solid ground or sinking quicksand? Self-love is one of the most attractive qualities a person can possess.

In this day and age where sex is so easily had and sold by main stream I assure you it will not be what keeps anyone around. That is merely a small part of a truly whole and complete relationship.

Form your own love, become that person you are looking for. Take the time out of your schedule of texting, tweeting and main streaming and find who you are so that you can rescue yourself through love and understanding. This way another may just find you as appealing as you do, and you then BECOME the right one! –Ask Ms Dare I SayImage

Supportive women vs Dumb chicks

Image

It has been my distinct pleasure to have to sort out this mystery even wihtin my own life and personal relationships. During the past few years I have come across many women who feel they are being the supportive, nurturing caregiver and helping their man reach the higher ground….(round of applause ladies) take a bow for holding him down! Clearing my throat…Ahem

HOOOOOOWEVER… is he even YOUR man? I know this seems silly and you are thinking “Of COURSE, who would do that for just some random dude” Weeelllll you would be surprised doll… Lets take it back to the question. Is this YOUR man? Are you two in a committed relationship? Have you DISCUSSED this supposed relationship with HIM and not your girls? and did he agree?

You see many women find themselves in these terrible places of pain merely based on poor communication. Yeah it sure looks like you guys are doing the whole relationship thing I mean why wouldn’t it? You spend time together he’s at your place , you cook, you screw, hell you may even share a joke or two, he may even LIVE with you, but DO NOT be mis-led ladies. I f a man wants you he will let you know that you are his woman and he is your man, no guessing or interpreting the stars or snooping in his phone. It will be all on the table.

It is a beautiful thing when two can come together and be supportive while building a dream, trust, friendship and respect begin to grow between the two. Now when you are just a chick taking care of some broke dud neither one of you are respecting each other and most of all you are not respecting yourself. Why would you want to enable a man to do nothing, be nothing and worst off rely on YOU to be all the nothing he can be.

Ladies, if in fact he is YOUR man and you are together taking the time to build, don’t second guess yourself, handle your business and speak life into that man and the life you are building!

On the other hand, if you are just the chick who gases up his car buys his meals and extras… #KILLYOSELF because you don’t know YOUR value so you will NEVER know his!

Sincerely,

Dare I Say