Is this a familiar look in your current relationship? Do you find yourself arguing or fussing? Better yet, is THIS what you call talking? Is this your form of communication? If it is THAT is exactly what is wrong with the situation.
As women we play a very vital and important role in a man’s life.
The same way we look to our Daddies to how we love or should be loved by a man, he does the same. He will look to you for love, affection, comfort and nurturing. No one likes to be scolded when they are an adult, ESPECIALLY a man. I tell you, if you are trying to get a result from this type of behavior, it will NEVER bear the fruit you desire. If you were to plant carrots, are you expecting beets? Of course not! So how can you plant seeds of degradation, disrespect and anger and expect adulation, respect and love?
Ladies we have been soooo damaged in this day and age. So many of us have absent father figures, we have mothers who have had to pull more than their fair share of the weight and a society that tells us we are equal to a man in EVERY way… these modern days have taken a huge toll on our views and relationship with men. Now relax, I’m not saying to quit your job, grab and apron and start baking…unless you want too. Hey isn’t that what women’s rights are all about?? CHOICE. Ok I digress…
Ladies, when we are talking to our men it is important to do so with honesty, respect and love. Though he may seem to be the toughest person in the world, he is made of flesh and blood just like you. He has the same emotions, pains, hurts, fears, insecurities as you do…with the exception that the WORLD tells him NOT to. He is taught from an early age not to feel, be a man, boys don’t cry etc. etc so he has had a lifetime of suppressing what it is that he feels. He didn’t get the same care and acceptance as we did when we were younger. We were held and coddled and told it will be ok, go ahead and cry honey, let it out. Can you see the difference?
So yes, we as women emote more, but men do internalize. However if you are trying to reach that man deep at his core where he is most vulnerable it will never be through your harsh words or raised voice. He to needs to feel safe and still be seen as a man in your eyes in order to be that free with you. Make your words kinder, softer, be encouraging to him. He knows if he is doing wrong or falling short and he punishes himself more than you ever can. So take a step back and try to put yourself in his position, he has had a lifetime of suppression to try to get over and then has to try to overcome the anger you are putting out. He has been taught to be aggressive by society so it is no wonder that this behavior results in a backlash of rage, door slamming and true discouragement.
If you truly want to lift your man up and get him to see your side of things, then try an approach that is softer.
Remember he was taught that women are kind and sweet like his mamma so it is in your best interest to approach any and all situations with patience and kindness, don’t beat on his ego, his home should be where he finds refuge from the unrealistic expectations that the world has placed on his emotions. Your arms are to embrace this hard man and make him soft, your voice carries a tone that should soothe the beast, not awaken the inner demons.
Decide what you want your end result to be, and act accordingly. Plant seeds of kindness and you will reap the same. –Ask Ms Dare I Say